Ok, so for the last few weeks, I have "enjoyed" the position of being a stay-at-home mom. Since I usually work full-time, I have been looking forward to being home with my children. I imagined all the fun and creative games I would play with Gideon. I made myself a to-do list of household chores, that I would get done throughout the day, and my husband would be oh-so pleased to enter the house and see everything so sparkly and clean. Lucia would the picture of sweet baby girl cuteness, sweet smelling and peaceful.
I am a failure.
I can't get a handle on this. My house is in shambles. I have different baskets of clothes waiting to be folded and put away in every room in the house. If you were to walk into my living room right now, you would see (on the couch!) a gift bag with baby clothes, a baby bathtub, and a bouncy seat. There is scattered mail on the coffee table. On the floor there is a basket of baby clothes to put away. And don't get me started on the kitchen. Thank God for my mom. If it wasn't for her help, I am sure that we would need to call 911 to rescue us from the avalanche of laundry.
Gideon is pretty much left to his own imagination. He knows how to insert a dvd into the dvd player, and press play. He has canvas crates in different rooms that have toys, which he likes to scatter throughout. I do take the time to sit and color with him, and do puzzles, but pretty much my boy is like a wandering hermit, going from room to room searching for fun.
And you do know who I blame for this chaos, right? The baby, of course. Nursing Lucia takes all of my time. She wants to eat constantly. How can I get anything done with a baby latched on to me at all times? Alex calls her my add-on module. The baby swing has been my only salvation. She will stay in it for a while, giving me a false sense of contentment, before wailing to be picked up. She is not a big fan of her bassinet, preferring to be held and rocked.
Alex and I constantly discuss the possibility of someday. Someday I can stay home with the kids. Someday, he will find a job that pays enough so that we can buy a house, and allow us to live a life where I can choose to work or stay home. However, I never contemplated the fact that I would not be good at staying home. That I would find it so overwhelming. Like right now, after I finished typing this, I was going to....take a shower! Woo-hoo. And clean up all the stuff in the living room. But my sweet baby girl is crying. Because she has grown weary of the swing, and needs me to go pick her up. So, that is what I am going to do now.