Monday, March 31, 2008

Focusing on Work at 2 am.

Alexa mentioned in her last post that I have a crazy work schedule. This is because last month I was promoted to a project management position for a career-oriented web service, which I have been part of since last year. It is truly a blessing to be recogized for my hard work and entrusted to manage a number of writers and many customer relationships. Plus, I'm having fun. No health benefits though.

This is the most important downside to working solo. If it wasn't for this, Alexa would probably be the primary stay-at-home parent. For now, it should be me, but it really isn't anymore. I have Gideon at home with me an average of one day a week now. He goes to his grandma's most of the other days. So, I miss father and son days every day. I think he misses it too.

Look, doesn't Gideon look like he's having fun in this picture?

So, it is almost 2 a.m. on Monday and my focus is not on what it should be - work. I took a good nap after church today, so I don't think I'm sleepy. I am just thinking of other things. You know, the kinds of things a dad and husband thinks of when you're wife is pregnant and you suddenly realize that your family is growing. The worries ... the fears ... the unknowns.

Then there's the audible ticking of the clock. Rhythmic, but getting louder by the minute. I look down to see the time on my laptop and I try to estimate how many hours of sleep I can get if I go to sleep right now. But, there is so much work that needs to be done and tomorrow is jam packed with things to do. I have to prepare a monthly report, finish up 5 customer projects and prepare myself to welcome 2 new members into my team ... this combined with all the managing and other stuff.

Ok, I need to refocus. Focus Alex! Focus!

I need to think of what gives me inspiration to work at 1am in the morning? Besides a large Dunkin Donuts coffee of course.

Maybe cold water in my face?

Too cold.

How about music.

May wake up the baby.

Umm... how about going out for a walk and looking at the stars.

Tempting, but the neighborhood is really dark at night ... too dark. I wouldn't go out there if you told me there was a million bucks for me on the ground. I'd wait till the morning light to get it. I can't see well at night at all ... blind as a bat. I'm not going to risk bumping into something or someone, you know, like ... I don't know ... Sasquatch or whatever, then be forced to run aimlessly as fast as I could as if a ravenous dog were chasing me. Not a pretty sight. Not at all.

Let me take a look around. There's got to be something to compel me to keep working. Well, there's the Save the Date wedding card from 2003 posted on my bulletin board. And, the famous picture of Gideon and I on the beach contemplating the future as we gaze onto the ocean. Here it is in case you don't remember.

I have my graduate and undergraduate degrees in front of me ... nah, that won't work. It'll just get me thinking about the college bills that I'll be paying for the rest of my life.

Ok, so there is a picture of Alexa and I in Boston over 6 years ago ... all I have to do is turn my head to the right to see it. Other pictures of Gideon surround me, one where he's reading a book, a Christmas picture and his passport photo. My original Roberto Clemente card which is encased in a plastic box was a gift from Alexa ... that's not far off.

Oh then, there's a picture of Alexa by herself with a black sky behind her ... one of the first photos I took of her when we were dating. She doesn't like it, but I do. To me it looks like she's floating... there's sort of an airy feeling, like the wind blowing through her hair.

Ok, I just realized one thing. I work from home, where I can physically see my wife and son everyday. Yet, my home office is full of pictures and mementos of Gideon and Alexa.

There you go. I've found my inspiration ... my family. Back to work!

15 minutes later ...

Nodding off. I'm thinking of my side of the bed. Cozy. Warm. Comfortable. Near Alexa. A few feet from Gideon.

Ok, change of plans. I'm going to bed. Good night.


Alexa said...

Only you would think there might be a Sasquatch lurking in suburban New Jersey. Waiting to get you. You were obviously tired. But funny.

Momma-of-5 said...

Alexa stole my comment!
Now I have to think of another one.
I can't.
I have Mommy brain.
Only one fairly humorous thought a day.