Sunday, November 25, 2007

Turkey centerpiece made by Izzy
Thanksgiving Day Recap
(or as it will be known to future generations)
"The Alexa Soto Humiliation Day"

Ok, so you can guess from the title of this post that the preparations for Thanksgiving did not turn out exactly as expected. Before I begin this tale of woe, let me reassure you by letting you know that the actual dinner was a success, with everyone having a very nice Thanksgiving, and the food was very yummy. Ok, let me take a big breath, and continue. Please comment when you are done reading, since the telling of this story will send me further into a deeply embarrassed state from which I may never recover.
Ok, so I was hosting my first Thanksgiving. I had proposed this to my in laws, since Alex and I have to travel to 2 dinners every year, and eat full meals at each one, lest we offend one of the moms. Also, this year, since we have the Gidster, it makes travel and such a bit harder. Ok, so we got the green light, and everyone offered to bring side dishes. All I had to do was cook the turkey, the stuffing, get the pre-dinner munchies ready, and one dessert. Easy, right? So, I start the prep on Wednesday night. I get alot of done, and I am feeling pretty good. I have got this Thanksgiving thing in the bag. Stuffing is all set to go, turkey is prepped, spinach dip done, and pecan crust for the pumpkin cheesecake is chilling.
The next day, I wake up early, stuff the bird, put him in the oven, and start getting the house in order. No problem. And of course, I am going to shower later in the day, so I am nice and clean when the guests come over. At the time, however, I am wearing a gross, stained pajama top (thanksgiving prep stains), Alex's camouflage cargo shorts (which don't fit me, so I am wearing the waist all rolled up, and half way down my butt. But, the pajama top is covering that) and my blue fuzzy slippers. Why do you need to know what I am wearing?
This is why: I go check on the turkey, open the oven door, and dark EVIL smoke starts pouring out. The turkey is not burnt, but there is liquid spewing onto the bottom of the oven, and soon the kitchen is completely covered in smoke. And then, the centralized smoke alarm goes off. This is the smoke alarm that is hooked up to all four apartments. At this point, I am not freaking out yet. I figure I can get the burnt stuff cleaned off. I try pulling the turkey (did I mention it was 28 lbs?) out of the oven, and more liquid hits the bottom, thus more smoke. I finally lug the bird out, and shut off the oven. (What I didn't know at the time was that there was a hole at the bottom of the aluminum pan I bought. Umm..thank you Shop Rite.) The entire apartment is engulfed in smoke, and the fire alarm is screaming. The doorbell rings. It is the POLICE. They ask Alex(and Gideon) to come downstairs. Alex then calls for me to come also. I yell down the stairs, that I simply cannot, (CANNOT) go downstairs in my current state of dress. Then Alex tells me that I HAVE TO come downstairs. They are EVACUATING the apartment. (i am sorry for all the caps, it is simply a caps kind of story) I go downstairs, and there are police cars, and fire engines downstairs. With police officers and firefighters IN THEM.
I have to escort them through the apartment (in my fuzzy slippers), and show them that I have not set anything on fire. That it is simply a little bit of smoke, firefighter. I am not running a meth lab, officer. Yes, I do know how to cook a turkey, you funny firefighter guy. I realize that the smoke is not an indication that the turkey is done; oh, you are so so funny. One thing that did strike me as funny, was the fact that the ARMED police officer asked me to put the cat away. Because Miggy hissed at him. Ok, so I am sure you deal with mean and scary criminals all the time, yet the cat made you reach for your weapon? That is the power our cat has.
After the tour, I had to go back downstairs, and face all the neighbors, who have congregated on our street to watch the show. Don't you have dinners to make, people? My landlords have rushed over, assuming that their building is on fire. Meanwhile, I am standing on the porch, using one hand to hold my shorts up, the other to gesture with when I talk. Gideon, meanwhile, is sitting with Alex, wrapped in a blanket, waving excitedly at the fire trucks.
I do have to say, that the firefighters and police arrived in record time, and if we had an actual emergency, I would have been thrilled to see them, rather than mortified. So, I do thank them for coming. They had no idea that they were running to the rescue of a turkey, rather than a family. So, thank you Rochelle Park Fire Department, and Police Department. I hope you guys had a nice Thanksgiving, and if you ever want to see what I look like all nice and clean and showered, for goodness sake, please honk as you drive by, and I will wave from the window.
So, here are some pictures of my Thanksgiving. We don't have any shots of the police activity, since we were too frazzled to grab the camera, and plus, we didn't know where it was.
Behold the turkey. Ignore the date on the picture.
My mom's camera doesn't know what year it's in.
The sage-sausage apple cranberry stuffing.
It tasted alot better than it looks.


Anonymous said...

The Turkey looked great---don't worry about how you looked, I am sure it wasn't as bad as all that. ;) Someday I will tell you my embarrassing firemen story....

love Rosemary

Amy-Mama of 5 said...

I laughed even harder in the privacy of my own home than I did when you originally told me at church (I was being nice then!) You sure know how to make sure there's blogable subjects in the Soto home! Thanks for the ab workout! =)

Anonymous said...

Okay - so I started reading this story and thought "I bet I'll have
something to top it or at least match it." I don't! I can't even come
close. Thanks for putting a smile on your readers' faces, Alexa.

Alex Soto said...

For the record, the turkey was absolutely delicious.